A portion of my stats on Absolute the last 3 or 4 days. Discuss.

Can we all have a moment of silence for our fallen brother, Bobby "Always min-raise your aces/You look like you could use an autograph" Bracelet? Thanks.

Ok, where do I begin? Fuck if I know. It's not like I run this blog.

Oh, I do? Shit, I better come up with something quick-like. I wrote a handful of topics down in my little blue notebook last night as I was trying to clear a Pokerroom.com bonus--which is nigh impossible when playing .25c/.50c NL, by the way--but there's only one that seductively coos in my ear in a brazen attempt to get me to write about her(Weird, now that I read that again, it's oddly Drizz-like). Well, I am sucker for the ladies.

The following phrases need to die;

"In the long run..."

"I know I want my opponent risking his whole stack on a four outer because things will even out..."

Why should they die? Because for most of us, it's bullshit. Yes, bullshit.

In a perfect world, everyone would have a $1million dollar bankroll necessary to survive the swings. We'd all be able to play at a certain level without fear of going bust, or that an extended valley inbetween winning peaks would destroy us. Of course, if I had a million dollars, I'd be nibbling on unborn beluga babies, drinking the finest imported beers and doing two chicks at the same time, so I wouldn't need to play poker.

But it's not perfect. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm always under-rolled, and that I'll probably never reach the long run. Most people playing poker right now won't, either. We won't hit that point where, statistically, everything "evens out". Sad, but true. Not sad as in "my puppy just spontaneously combusted" sad, but more like "grandma's eating out of the garbarge again" sad.

But just how long is, the long run, you ask? 100,000 hands? 200,000? 1,000,000? There's never a definite answer, and that's always bothered me. I've got close to 100,000 hands logged in my PokerTracker database and many more that are lost forever, but from everything I've read, that's just a drop in the proverbial bucket of the number of hands needed to in order to make the distinction between a winning player, and a troglodytic, mouth-breathing, sodomite.

Granted, those people calling all-ins with 4 outs will go broke eventually. If they keep playing that way, of course. Or, maybe they don't make it a habit of drawing to that gutshot, either. Who knows.

What do I think?

As is the answer to every poker query; it fucking depends(on if I'm the one taking it in the ass, or not).

Edit:I may be out of the loop on this, but can anyone tell me what this shit is?

If you ever hear me whining about my lack of a bankroll, the first thing you need to do is punch me in the throat, and then say the two magic words: "Doyle's Room".

I was shifting my miniscule funds around online via Neteller just a few minutes ago, when looked at the history tab. It reinforced two things;

1)I am terrible at bankroll managment. Horrendous, horrific, totally incomprehensible. When I lament about not being able to take a shot at higher levels, it's nobody's fault but my own. Had I not made bit-by-bit withdrawals over the last year and a half, I would have a bankroll. Simple as that.

2)I made a decent amound of change at Doyle's Room. Holy crap, it's so easy for me to forget how many withdrawals I made over the last year and a half. Unreal.

Why did I ever leave that site in the first place? I think it has something to do with being an idiot, but someone much smarter than I would have to make that judgement call. I fear now that the games aren't quite so soft due to hand histories and Poker Tracker capability.

Then again, how many of you, dear readers, were sick of all the Doyle's Room this, and Doyle's Room that posts around this time last year? You don't even have to answer.

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I finished my 2nd PSO promotion early yesterday evening, and it ended before hurling my computer out onto Lake St. I signed up for the Nevada Jack/Desert Sands chip upgrade through BoDog, so I should be hearing from the chip company in the next few days.

It's funny, though, of how quickly my impressions of the site changed in the matter of one day. I made an initial deposit of $100 and by the end of the night on Monday, had run it up to $250. Bodog is good. Bodog is awesome. I'm going to dream about you, Calvin Ayres.

I went home sick from work yesterday and decided to grind out the bonus, only this time it was completely different.

Bodog can go to hell. Bodog can eat shit and die. Calvin Ayres, you're a DevilMonkey. By the time I hit my required 200 Bodog points, my bankroll was sitting at $89, and I never even got stacked once! I've never been so brutally beaten by as many short stacks in my life, as I was yesterday afternoon. Topping off to the max buy-in every 10-15 hands tends to add up.

I can't complain, though; $111($100 for the 200 chip upgrage, no shipping charge) for a decent chip set that should arrive sometime before my birthday. Remind me to tell you about that at the bottom of the post.

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PSO came at a very good time for my poker game. Apathetic tilt is a foe, not friend. Everybody has their own reasons for playing, whether that be to make money, feed their competitive nature, or possibly become good enough to look into the game as a job.

[see: a million other posts, by much better writers]

Are you back yet? Good.

Me, I've spent the last 6 months or so with no purpose in playing the game. I haven't been looking to make money, though it would be nice. I haven't felt tested by playing at all, but that might have to with how I've been playing for such inconsequential stakes, than anything else. And, as "cool" as it sounds to become a professional poker player, there's the other, smarter part of me that thinks; Why would you ever want to do that to yourself, Stupid?

PSO has given me goals in this silly card game, if only for a bit. And that's fine. It breaks up the monotony of grinding out smalls wins, which is something that I need. And hey, if I'm lucky, I might get something more out of this than a huge distaste for millionaire entrepreneurs and their shitty online gamblings sites.

As much as it pains me to say this, I honestly like playing at Titan. And yes, that's taking into account that the site name is better suited for a line of plus-sized condoms than an online poker room.

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Minnesota people, activate!

In the shape of...an out-of-shape poker player!

In the form of...does 'goo' have a form?

If you can't read between the lines--and if you can, please stop. It's creeping me out--I'll just tell you that I'm turning 31 in 9 days. May 12th for those live by the creedo "math is hard".

Now, now, before you all go out of your way to transfer brithday money to my Party or Titan account, all I have to say is "don't." But if you really must, I go by "DanielRusso" on both sites.

Seriously, though, 31 is not that big of a deal. But what is a big deal is how I'd like to celebrate it. If you're from Minnesota--and I know a few of you are--I'd like to celebrate my birthday by playing a wee bit of poker, either on the night of May 12th or the afternoon/evening of the 13th. I am already planning on having a party at my apartment in Yuptown, but there's no reason we can't do both.

So, if you live in the Minneapolis metro area, and aren't a huge douchebag(there will be a quiz at the door to gauge the level of your douchbaggery), and want to play some low limt poker with ME ON MY BIRTHDAY, let me know.

Drizz, find a way down from Maple Grove! Start walking now if you have to.

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You were supposed to remind me to talk about my birthday. Some help you folks are.

Erm, since I've got a bunch of work "processing" in the background, I might as well take some time mash my keypad and see what vomits on the screen.

First things, first; my take on blogs.

1.Think of something to write.
2. Write it.
3. Actually talk to people should they happen to reply.

That's about all there is to it. Of course, I'm good at exactly none of those things, but at least I try.

No, you really don't.

***********

Joe has a little guessing game as to what kind of car he just splurged on, and I'm pretty sure my answer of "VW Golf" is pretty damn close. I was fortunate enough to not puke ride in his car from LA to Vegas last month, so I already know what kind of vehicular style the man has. He thought my choice screamed "HOMO!", but I contest that it's not that far off for The Man With Five Face Products.

Strike that, I'm changing my answer to "Cabriolet".

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I cleared my Titan Bonus early on Saturday, and let me tell you, I'm always surprised by the new-fangled plays these kids are attempting nowadays. My favorite is the highly skilled, super subtle "Limp preflop with aces, check call to the river, regardless of board texture" play.

My second favorite?

The "Overbet the pot by a bajillion dollars on the turn or river". Goddamn, that's some clever play. And I'll admit that I didn't think long enough on one hand, and it cost me.

Hand #1.

I'm in the big blind and had just tripled to $150, after buying in for $50. It's a .50c/$1 6 max game on Titan. Yeah, yeah, I know; always buy in for the max. Get off my nuts already.

Anyhow, The only other person with an equal stack is the player directly to my left, who has me covered by about $40. He hasn't been at the table for more than 20 hands, but he's doubled up in that short time, but I didn't look back before this hand to see how. I'm dealt J-6o. He limps, everybody else folds and I check my option.

Flop: 5-6-J rainbow

Hasta la pasta, I've got two pair! In this situation I like to lead out with a pot sized bet, and that's exactly what I did. The opponent min-raised it, and without much information to go on, I called.

Turn:2

This isn't scary to me at all, so I bet out about 3/4 of the pot, which was about $9, and he immediately came over the top for the rest of his stack.

Excuse me? What could he possibly have here that has me beat? A set? Sure, a set of 5's or 6's is likely, but a set of jacks? I'm pretty sure he would've raised preflop, right? Who plays a set like that?

Without that much information to go on, I laid it down, but I'm stil curious what hand warrants that kind of massive overbet. It's just plain confusing. After looking back to find out how he'd doubled up in the first place, it turns out that in the hand he doubled up on, he played it much like this, only with aces. Had I known that beforehand, I might've given more thought to calling there.

Hand #2

Sometime after I made the spectacular laydown above, I got into it with a complete and utter tardfuck. I only say that because I lost the hand.

Once again I'm in the BB with $220 behind, when I'm dealt AJo. A player in late position--with a starting stack of $100--min-raises, everybody else folds and I call. I hate calling a raise out of position, but the minraise is such an insult to the digital dollar chip I put out there, that it would've called me a pretty little daisy for not defending it's honor. Or something. AJ has never been gold for me, though.

Flop: A-J-2 rainbow

BLIZZOW!

Once again, I bet out the small size of the pot, and he flat calls. Hrm, on a draw, perhaps.

Turn:Ks

That card could complete a possible straight, and brings 2 spades on the board. I check, planning to check raise a bet because I didn't put him on the powerful--not to mention well played--Q10 with a opening minraise.

Sure enough, he bets out $1--one fricking dollar--and I immediately raise it to $7. He throws a wrench in my cockily smirking spokes by raising that to $14. Gwah?

I call, mainly because I didn't have a clue where I was. And if I was far behind, at least I had some outs, right? Right.

I check the non spade 7 on the river, and he immediately pushes his last $70 or so in the pot. Ok, if you were me(and you know you want to be), what would you do? What range of hands do you think justifies that kind of push?
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I'm an instant gratification sort of guy, so I'm just going to tell you that he had JJ for a set, and took down a $200 pot. I keep thinking about this hand, playing it back in my head, and trying to figure out if I ever could've put him on that hand. Sure, I could've gotten away from it, but the massive overbet on the river just screamed "I MISSED!". The more I think about it, the more everything pointed to a set, only moreso the set of 2's than the jacks. I'm not really sure why I didn't consider AK longer, though, either.