I will fully admit that I'm not overly versed in the ways of grammar, sentence structure, nor am I overly verbose or skilled in the art of superfluous word usage. I also do not repeat myself redundantly.

All I'm saying is that I don't know English that good. I know how to spell, and that's about it. But, from to time, I know when something is being misused. I'm sure I could come up with many examples, but for today's lesson, class, I'll only list one.

M.I.L.F--acronym for "Mother I'd Like to Fuck"

Some random dude is walking around the streets of Uptown and sees a girl, and wowza, would he like to copulate with her vaginal intake valve. She's dragging a towheaded child behind her, so she becomes a MILF. Any reasonably attractive woman with a kid is now given the MILF monikor.

My problem with the acronym arises when the wrong people try to use it. I see it time and time again where the woman with the kid calls herself a MILF, and I don't understand it. Wait, what? Woman with Kid; you're a mom you'd like to fuck? First of all, I don't think you're allowed to make that kind of judgement call, and second, you make no sense. Idiot.

The woman who is called a MILF by a man is not allowed to call herself a MILF. It's a new rule. Yes, I understand that "MTRDWLTF"(Mom That Random Dude Would Like To Fuck) is not only impossible to pronounce with it's lack of consonants, but doesn't have that ring to it that MILF does. But, is MILF that much of a compliment? Just because some dude with a sex drive--and I hear that only a small minority of the male population has a sex drive--wants to bone you, it doesn't mean you're pretty. Or sexy. Or even not googly-eyed.

Some people fuck barnyard animals for fun, but that doesn't mean that Bessie or Wilbur are all that attractive to the vast majority of the population. Just because someone calls you a MILF doesn't mean you're allowed a) believe that you are from here to the end of time, and b) use it as a valid description of yourself. End of story.

As an aside; is there something, in a legal sense(or even not legal for all I care), that I can do about those girls that go around and call themselves hot, when they're so not? As in, in the exact opposite of hot, most of the time resembling a beached sea cow holding a diet coke and a rice cake. You know the ones I'm talking about. It's an epidemic and needs to be stopped.

Yes, I realize this is all pretty goddamn pedantic, but I just learned a new word today and was hellbent on including it in this entry.

And, isn't it about time we retire the word "douchebag"? I think it is.