Word of warning; this entry will contain nary a coherent thought, nor will it be all that thought-provoking or mind-blowing. Hey, I know how you've come to expect that sort of thing from me, but I can't be on all the time, now can I? Well, yes, I can, but for the sake of this blog...no, I can't.

But the real answer is 'yes'.

We finally got our internet problems fixed at home, and it only took us a little under 3 weeks to accomplish. Well, it wasn't so much a fix as it was a blatant lie to our internet provider that we fixed it. Suckers. Instead of formatting 5 computers because we're too stupid to figure out which computer was, indeed, infected, we did the next best thing; disconnected the two computers from our router voted most like to succeed at becoming infected, and act as if all was well. Doo doo doo dooo...nothing to see here. Move along.

So far, no more emails from the internet security department. We're genius, I tells ya. Genius. What's the plural of genius?

And because of our inherent laziness(and overall craftiness as lying, cheating human beings) it means that I can once again play poker on my naked lady box. This time through, though, I decided to start out small; only $50 on Stars, and if I go broke, I don't deposit again until...something happens that justifies another deposit. Not sure what that might yet, but it's a nice rule to have just in case.

I've resorted to what I like to call "Pussy Poker". If you're offended by that word, it can also go by "Pansy Poker". If you're gay, well, I'm sorry. That's it; I'm sorry.

I guess you could also call it the Shortstack Mentality; buy in for the minimum and push when you're committed, which happens an awful lot. It doesn't take a whole lot of brain power, nor does it leave any room for outplaying anybody(not that it's ever been an issue with me before), but it is an easy, mindless way to make money. And for now, that's fine by me.

Let's say you have $8 in front and you're dealt AcAd UTG. You raise it up 6x BB. The rest of the table is clearly retarded, and this type of raise will get called in at least 3 spots. And it does. Exactly three people do call; UTG+1, the CO and the button. Both blinds fold. So, there's $6+blinds(I told you this was micro limit, right?) in the pot, and the flop comes down a non-scary 2-6-10(I almost typed 2-7-10, but then I realized the comedy in my error).

As the first to act, what's your line?

If you didn't say "JAM!", come over here so I can introduce a cowboy boot to your taint. Twice. There's something to be said for the check-raise here, and that something is "It sucks". You figure to get it all in here anyhow, so you might as well just get it in first and hope that nobody has a set. There's just no room to find out if anybody does have a set, either.

So, that's what I've been doing, and it's been working alright for me so far.

Plus, it's 6 fucking dollars, you pussy. Damn, I don't know why I continue to hang out with you.
********
A few things that have been frustrating me about poker;

Frustration the one

A few weeks ago I walked into my normal Sunday bar, sat down at one of the ass-destroying barstools, and the bartender had my beer in front of me before I even had to complain about the stool. Before I go any further; yes, I do have a Sunday bar, and no, I would not like to go to a 'meeting' with you.

Anyhow, I'd learned that the bartender plays poker--a lot of it, actually, usually drunk--and that he's had similar bankroll management issues as have had I. Well, sort of. You see, he's the maniac that deposits for $100 and runs that all the way up or down until he either cashes out, or goes broke, all by quickly moving up levels during a session. If he, say, doubles up on a $1/2 NL table, he'll move to $10-$20 limit and then cash out the next morning after passing out. Either that, or he goes broke, but he's only out that initial $100.

"Hold on, I have to show you something" he said as he went to his jacket and pulled out a piece of paper. "I deposited $50 and just couldn't be stopped!"

It was a check for $2500 from Pokerstars.

Granted, we're different types of players, and he'll most likely lose all that in the long run, but where's my big score? What do I have to do to get over this grinding rut?

Frustration the two

The morning after we were lucky enough to attend the part at The Playboy Mansion[studio audience: oOoOoOo] we were also lucky enough to share the car with a WPT Champion.[studio audience: confused look] I'm not going to tell you his name, but I will say that it rhymed with "Gavin Smith". You figure it out. It was cool, not only to see how he played the game, but also to peek into how the game plays when there's a lot of money on the line.

Just for example, the initial raise plus the blinds--just the raise, mind you, no limpers--was just as much as I've won in my biggest pot ever. The average pot was bigger than my bankroll has ever been. It was unbelievable how much money was being shipped around the table, and it almost seemed to play like a .25c/.50c game, rather than $25/$50 game.

Unreal.

Frustration the three

I skim through 2+2 daily for funny or amazing threads, and the big thing lately is to post your Poker Pattern graph at the end of each month. Is anyone else amazed at how much money some of these kids--and a lot of them are just kids--are making? We're talking tens of thousands of dollars per month. True, not normal, but there are still a few people that are making that much. It's sick.
*****

The main problems I have with poker are purely mental, as I'm sure it is for many for you out there. You see millions of dollars of changing hands daily, and it comes to a point where you've got to say; what about me? It isn't fair. I've had enough now I want my share. Can't you seeEEee, I want to live...

What? Oh, like I'm the only one with that song stuck in their hand. I am? Well, not anymore.

I digress.

Has anyone else faced this? Or am I just a greedy twit that needs a slice of shut the fuck up, you greedy twit?