Saturday night, Sir Bobby Bracelet(he's been knighted, don't-chya-know) and I were girly talking through IM, and our lack of poker game lately produced the best idea I think either of us have ever had.

We're going to create a program that's goes against everything a student of this stupid game has ever done to improve. There is no learning. There is no studying, either. Crack a book? Hell no, and there sure in the hell isn't a lightbulb moment involved.

We'll call it "Fuck Readin'!"

Consider it the Anti-Book-it!, but instead of receiving a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza for every 5 books read, you lose a large chunk of a buy-in to the table retard for every book not read. Fuck readin'!

Been playing so passively in a tournament that you've made it to level IV of a MTT with a VPIP of 2%? There is no retooling, no going back to the drawing board, there is definitely no taking a step back to get a different perspective on why your game sucks. (This was one of my stats from Saturday, by the way)

Say it with me, Folks; Fuck Readin'!

In the Fuck Readin' program, you can't go back and read Harrington Vol I/II to figure out why you're game has gone so horribly awry. No, you just continue to blindly trudge forward, head down, because it's more likely that you're just running bad, or have been card dead for the last month or so, than it is for you admit that you're playing like shit. If you headbutt a brick wall, back and up and walk faster. Run if you need to. The wall will come down eventually, right? Back me up on this one, Berlin.

That's the beauty of the Fuck Readin'! program; the only thing you need to do to play poker, is the ability to press the "call" button and the hope that you won't get outdrawn. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. What else could you possibly need? Not reading, that's for sure.

And it's cheap, too. Just send me 3 installment payments of $29.99 each(to replenish my bankroll), and I'll quickly mail you the Fuck Readin'! informational packet. In the packet you will recieve one "Fuck Readin!" bumper sticker--color; retina-searing pink--one laminated membership card that reads "[insert your name here] Fucks Readin!", and one signed and framed picture of me wearing a Fuck Readin'! t-shirt, winking and giving the a-ok sign.

You won't find this deal anywhere else. You'd be stupid not to pay me large sums of money for this crap. Act quickly, supplies are limited. Almost non-existent, actually!

FUCK READIN'! (right in it's papery ear)