How do you deal with burnout? How do you deal with a plateau?
I just looked back at the number of Neteller transactions I've had since the beginning of March, and it made me a little sad. Adding them all up made it worse. Had I executed a decent bankroll strategy, I'd be much happier with myself than I am at this very moment, poker-wise. I feel bad about posting an amount, but I'm going to do it anyhow, mostly for myself to look at for motivation and not to be a braggart. And honestly, it's a small amount by other's standards.
+A SHITLOAD(for me)
My bankroll would be right around there, had I not been withdrawal happy. If only I'd been withdrawal happy in other, more delicate areas of my life, I wouldn't be paying so much in child support right now.
I'm kidding. Can you imagine me with a kid right now? That poor, imaginary child.
Most of that pseudo-bankroll has been made by relieving goobs of their monetary burden, all while two-tabling mini NL games(1/2 NL and under), with a few good MTT showings tossed in there for flavor, without rakeback and without bonuses. Yay, proud-proud, happy-happy and all that jizz. That's fine and all, but it causes me to take a step back and question--again--why I'm really playing this game.
Ok, maybe not so much why I've been playing, but why I want to continue playing. It's obvious that, over the past 6 months, it's because I wanted to make a little bit of ching, and not to improve. It's humbling to say that I hit a plateau right at 1/2NL. But I don't feel like I can't beat the game. I admit, more to myself than anybody else, that I made mistakes, but 1/2NL is not populated by great players.
This again? Yeah, this again.
I've Ram Man-ed myself into a wall because the money mattered. I cared about what I might use the profits for, and I was concentrating on what would slip through my hands should I happen to go on an extended bad run. I waterfalled out of control. One bad beat, one slip up, and I started played less than well. I played poorly. I became a calling station. I didn't raise for value on the end. I don't even want to know how many best hands I folded.
It's been said time and time again, that if you want to be a winning player, to truly step past the trip-stick that causes most others to falter, you need to have absolutely no concept of money. The money isn't real, it doesn't matter. You can't play your best game when worried about losing. I obviously have big issues with this.
I don't know why I have this mental block, either. I get to a certain bankroll level, and I play like shit. The last month or so, whenever I jump online, I'm completely bored by playing ABC poker. Why? Because ABC poker is fucking boring. There's no passion for grinding.
And that tells me that I can't go on playing this game forever by plugging away for $800/month wins. It's boring. It's work. And I never intended for a hobby to get to the point where it felt like work. It has, though. And I don't like it one bit. Nope, not one. Not even an iota.
Huh, I think I plateaud while writing this post. Just like in poker, I'm stuck.