Breaking news: The AP is announcing that I have gone bust at Doyle's Room. Story at..well, now.

I'm not sure why this ever became newsworthy, or why anyone would ever care to read it, but sadly, it's true. Oh woe is me, huh?

Before you start thinking that I maniacally tilted off a 4 digit bankroll on a High Life induced bender--which is funny if think about it. It's just not possible to go berzerk while drinking The Champagne--I'll ease your mind by stating right off the bat that did not happen. Not even close.

After returning from Vegas my online bankroll was sitting at a measly $250, all at Doyle's Room. I started off on a good rush and with a few tourney 2nd place finishes(always the bridesmade, that's me) and in less than a week the roll was sitting healthy at just under a thou'. I can't believe I just used "thou" in a sentence.

As is the norm with my online bankroll, it always seems to be used for things other than poker, which has never been a huge issue with me. I've always been content with pulling out a few hundred here or there when necessary. Like I've said before, I'm playing to keep out of trouble and not to become the next King of Poker, so it's never really been necessary for me to keep thousands of dollars online.

So, a few weeks ago I pulled all but $250 out of my accounts because, by my own admission, I am a money management moron. If only I were joking. And, being a moron means that I wanted some cash quickly, and without selling my dirty, dirty self on a street corner in Minneapolis, that quick cash had to come from my bankroll. It still left me with money to dink around without having to play .02/.04 tables and also without having to worry much about the possibility of going quasi-broke.

I suppose I deserved to go broke by losing two consecutive hands while holding pocket aces, as any other way would've been sadly anticlimatic. Serves me right for feeling so goddamn omnipotent.

You've probably guessed that I quickly threw another few hundred into my account in a brave attempt at reclaiming my lost money, and more importantly, my misplaced dignity, right? That's what you're thinking, no?. I know you.

Well, you're wrong.

I never had the dignity to begin with.

I'm moving away from Doyle's for the time being for a few reasons. I know, I know, it's a dumb move because that's where I make almost all of my poker money, but please, just hear me out.

For one, there's no PokerTracker support for the site. Yet. They're slowly moving towards it with the implementation of hand histories, but still woefully behind. I am not a geeky stats person, but I miss being able to dig through stupid stats that have absolutely no use outside of my contributing to my own amusement. I like being able to look at black numbers, even if I already know I'm a winning player at super low limits. The net profit box in poker tracker is my nerdy math faced friend, and here sits this $50 friend that I can't even play with in a sanitary, heterosexual man/computer program sort of way. The minute they are supported by PT, I'll deposit again. Money. Deposit money.

Secondly, I've become a one trick something or other. You know; that thing that only does one thing and is good at just that one thing. Yeah, I'm that guy. I've become proficient at low-limit, short-handed NL ring games, and nothing else. I don't what my problem is with my tournament play, and it probably has something to do that I don't play enough tournaments to even have enough information to know where I'm being a huge sieve. As much as I like no-limit HE, I'd like to become at least marginally proficient in other games, and Doyle's doesn't have those other games consistently enough for them to profitable.

Fifthly, I have the tournament bug. The fever, you could say.Yes, I know that I skipped a few reasons and that "fifthly" isn't a word, but it's my blog and I'm going to continue to make shit up if I want, so you better learn to deal with it. Doyle's tourneys, while they have improved in the last month, just aren't much of a thrill to play in. Not that winning $600 on a $35 investment is something to scoff at, it's just that I crave a bigger payday for less money risked. I'm a pansy like that.

This has all been spurned on by my own discovery of Thepokerdb.com, which lists the results of almost every tournament on Pokerstars. There's also a search by name function that satiates my voyeuristic twin that I went all cannabilistic on while still in the womb. He still likes to come around occasionally. I've been "spying" on y'all that I remember screenames for, and I have to say, some of you aren't doing too shabby. Joe Speaker? Decent results, my man. PokerNerd has some results as well.

I don't know who that "Donegal" fucker is, but his results are pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Pathetic to the tune of two cashes for a grand total of, drumroll please, $66. Woo-fucking-hoo. I spend more at the bar in a week than I've made in tournaments over the past year.

The deeper I dig through that database, the more I realize how much of a retard I am. There are many people on PokerStars that are making hundreds of thousands of dollars by playing online low-limit MTT's, and to me that just sounds absurb. Look at ZeeJustin, for fuck's sake. From his last update, he was making over $300/ hr by multi-tabling SNGs. POPPYCOCK! If that doesn't blow your mind, well, your mind just be unblowupable.

While I had slowly been adding to my bankroll over the past few months, I've not been doing a whole lot to improve my game. And without being able to study my stats(and by not keeping track), I've been hurting myself more than I realized. The money is a false indicator of sorts. Sure, I can beat low-level hacks, and while that might be good enough for some, that just means that I'm only a better-than-average low-limit hack. Not so impressive when I look at it that way.

Like a girl with spectacular tits, but with a face that lost a game of Chicken with a steamroller.

The boobs, just like the money, mean nothing without anything to back it up.