I am one hungover ass man right now. Wait, hold on. I'm going to shake out my brain and try that again.

I am hungover man and I feel like ass. There, that's better.

I will try my best to recap my Friday 12 hour marathon session at Canterbury. I could've stayed longer, but I didn't feel like falling asleep on my drive home. Also, the table donater left at 2am, and everyone tightened up. There's very little reason to sit at a 3/6 table whilst sober in the first place, but there is absolutely no reason to be sitting at a tight 3/6 table with the only alcohol in my system being the aftermath of the previous night's debauchery.

Painful.

I had my aces cracked by The Donater's lowly two-pair. Ever-powerful 6-4o, oh how you're omnipotence is unknown by most. I will never doubt you again, though. I think that everyone else at the table was more pissed off than I was, really. The 8 and 9 seat couldn't stop muttering a little too loudly about it, even though it wasn't their junked that got kicked.

I just wanted them to shut up, because I was more afraid that they'd scare off a player that I definitely wanted to keep around for a bit longer. First, I felt I deserved to be afforded the opportunity to win my money back. There is only so long a player can hold on to a stack when playing 6-4o cold calling two bets preflop, and cold-calling two bets on the flop, all while holding 6 high. Runner-runner two pair doesn't happen enough to be a consistent winner for anyone, not even Jesus.

And second, well, there is no second point I'm trying to make. I just wanted my money back. The look I got from the dealer was almost worth losing the hand. Almost. He gave me the "I understand his play even less than you do, man" look and I tipped him a blue for making me laugh.

I love live play. When there's a good dealer to keep the game moving, and the players are having a good time, I love playing at Canterbury. But, there is one way that online play is far superior to B&M play: the option to turn chat off.

Unless I bring my MP3 player--which I don't like doing because it makes me look like I'm taking things too seriously--there is just no viable solution for getting people to shut the fuck up. Don't get me wrong, I like table chatter. It makes everyone loosen up a little bit and makes the experience that much more enjoyable. The problem I have, though, is that most people just don't have anything interesting to say. At all. Ever.

I have never heard more jejune, useless, redundant conversation in all my life. There were so many instances that day that made we want to flick chips into gaping yaps, and scream "Shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about! Just sit there, look unpretty, play your shit cards and for the love of all that is holy, shut up."

I shit you not, I overheard one player say "Aces only hold up about 30% of the time. I've stopped playing them." Are you kidding me? Wow. What am I supposed to say to that? I have no idea when he thought that he'd have a better opportunity to win a hand, but I'm sure it had something to do with suited 7 gapper hole cards .

Bless their hearts and tiny brains for not understanding the game because that's how I make money, but you'd think that after so many years of being a supreme idiot, they'd at least be able to recognize when they sound like one. Ah, I digress.

I ended my session -6.5BB, and it would've been more had I not been involved in a hand with the guy in the 5s next to me that earlier admitted he plays all of the $5 MTT's on Poker Room. It was glaringly obvious that he had very little live ring game experience.

You'd think that after being chastised by two seperate dealers on three seperate occasions, he might have some clue that he was string raising, but no, he'd do it at least two more times before he learned to call "raise" before reaching for his stack of chips. Also, I couldn't even count the number of times that he folded out of turn, which made me follow his lead and fold once when the action wasn't on me. I hate looking stupid through other's mistakes.

Anyhow, in this hand, I was the dealt aces on the button. UTG folded, the 1s called and everybody folded to the 5s, who raised. It came around a few more times and we capped it, bringing along the poor 1s for the ride. The flop came out x-2-2 and the one seat opened the betting. If I remember correctly, we capped that round of betting, too, only the 1s dropped out. Another ace fell on the turn, which I'm a little disappointed that it did, because it killed the rest of the betting. He check/called me down, showed pocket kings and I scooped what was easily the largest pot of the night.

I've been to Canterbury 3 times in the last month, but I still have problems with counting the pot. It's not that hard to do when the dealer calls out the number of players in the hand on the flop, but when there's a dealer that fails to do that, I am consistently missing people that are still in the hand. Which, hello, keeping track of the pot size is slightly important to limit poker.

One thing I do realize is that a $1500 bankroll for 4 days in Vegas is huge for me, especially considering the limits I'm comfortable playing right now. If I lose the whole thing, I have serious problems. More serious than worrying about renal failure.

PS-Does anyone have a reliable method for keeping track of B&M stats?