I wasn't expecting to take a break from writing on this site, but it happened. I've been writing much more on another blog I have. I feel bad not keeping up here, but I haven't been playing all that much poker as of late, and I don't want to overrun RamaRama with non-poker related posts.

It seems that every few months I hit a wall where I need something to draw me back in from other distractions. The last time this happened, Small Stakes Hold 'Em by Ed Miller was the hook back into the poker life. After finishing that book, up until about a week ago, I was playing a minimum of 4 hours a night. You couldn't tear me away from my computer, and I felt that I was starting to understand subtle differences that I hadn't noticed before. All the time spent at the table helping my game, without question, and I'm so far ahead in my understanding of the game now than I was even just a few months ago, that to look back on when I thought I knew what I was doing, that it's just laughable. Hardy har har.

I was running extremely well on Doyle's Room-still am, in fact- but like many other bloggers, I was getting absolutely plastered on Party Poker. I couldn't do a damn thing right, and I started to get frustrated. I was getting robbed in the $25 NL games, so I switched to SNG's. At one point, I bubbled in 5 consecutive. That's no way to build a bankroll.

So, the frustration turned to self doubt, and eventually that manifested itself into a form of boredom. I couldn't sit down for more than 5 minutes without getting distracted by something, anything. I'd check other websites instead of paying attention to the tables I had open. Now, I can multitask, but I was missing hours of hands because I was off seeing if Fark had updated lately, or if Outlook Express was really eating all incoming email. When you start to get suspicious of email program, and it's hurting your game, it's probably a good idea to take a step back and find out why it's happening.

I keep with this game to make money, but that's not all of it. I'd rather not get trapped into the false mindset of thinking that I'm a decent player, when the only players I can beat are the shitty ones. Sure, money is money, but the victory is hollow and short-lived. It doesn't mean a damn thing, and I want to be three or 4 steps above the fish, not just a quarter of one step, even if that quarter step is still profitable. The money isn't enough for me, I guess.

Jesus, why didn't anyone tell me that I was about to get with the Tangent Truck?

Anyhow, I've only played a few hours in the last week, but I think I'm back again. Yesterday I was looking at my roommates collection of books, and he has Zen and the Art of Poker, and Super System, neither of which I have read. After starting in on the first few pages of Zen, immediately after I read almost all of poker feeds that have been backing up.

Poker is a discipline that you'll never stop learning, and the minute you think everything has been learned, you get fucked right quick. That was my problem; I stopped learning for a few days and it caused me to get fucked, not so much in a monetary sense, but definitely in regards to my motivation levels.

Wow, who would-a-thunk that I could write so much crap about nothing? Oh well, it worked for Larry David.