Party Poker $25 NL Blogger table:
Back in November, Pauly posted a screen shot of a Party Poker table consisting mainly of poker bloggers. Pauly, Iggy, Otis, Maudie and more--it seemed that everybody was there. I was intrigued. I thought to myself, "Hey, that's looks like a hell-of-a-lotta fun. I should get in on that some night." I always enjoy playing online, but not as much as I do when playing in WPBT sanctioned events. Those are just pure, hedonistic, booze-driven fun. And this is like an event every single day. Oh for cool.
Since that blustery November day, I've been looking for any of those bloggers online. I don't have a constant correspondence going with anyone from the blogging community, and the screen names on the .jpeg were covered to protect the not-so-innocent, so I had absolutely no idea what certain people played under at Party. And this is where my suppressed sleuth comes into action, and I decided to plug a plethora of names in the client search function. I'm high tech like that. Trial and error, baby. Trial and error.
Hmmmm...I wonder what Pauly could possibly use as a screen name? I wonder. TaoPoker? Nope, that didn't work. Well, how about DrPauly? Nope, that didn't work, either. Ok, this isn't going so well. I typed in "guinnesspoker", not really thinking that Iggy would be so stupid to use that, lest he wanted to be overrun by readers every single night. Sure enough, it didn't work.
I've tried this method for the past 10 nights or so, never locating the elusive table. Sure, I probably could've emailed any of blogging heavyweights, but I wanted to be sneaky. I wanted to fly in under the radar. I wanted to be incognito. And I've always wanted to use "incognito" in a post, too.
Last night, through an acetaminophen haze, I decided to look at the screen shot one last time. It was at this point in time that I realize that, yes, I was indeed stupid. His screen name was right in front of my face the whole time, I just didn't see it.
With my new-found knowledge, I typed his name into the search and-BAM!-Hello, Pauly. Hello, Iggy. Hello, other people I didn't know, but probably should know.
With sweaty palmed anticipation, I joined the wait list, and at the exact moment I was bumped into #1 position, my phone buzzed indicating an incoming text-message.
"What are you doing?
Crap. No, no, no. This can't be happening right now. I can't be taken away from this table. I just found it. Can't you see that I just found the poker blogger's Holy Grail? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
"Just playing some poker. You?"
Why, of all times, would she have to text-message me now? This meant I was going to have to make a decision. A very important decision. Girl, or poker? Poker, or girl? Rephrasing it didn't make the choice any easier.
"Just having a cocktail. Are you winning?"
Oh, come on now, that's not right. Now you throw booze into the mix, too? Two against one is unfair odds. Stop playing dirty! It's damn near impossible for me to turn down beer on it's own, but a beer drinking girl? Get real.
"Yeah, I'm up a little"
Perhaps she didn't want to ask me out for a drink, after all? It's very likely that I'm just delusional. Again.
"Good. I'm all-in!"
Wait. Hold on. Back that train up, Conductor. What have we here? This conversation just took a turn towards the very interesting. This is my chance to be witty--my chance to be funny--my chance to 'wow' her.
"What are you all-in with?"
Was that the studio audience I heard groaning in disgust? Odd, I don't remember letting them in here. What are you all in with. Seriously. Is that best you could do, Chad? You're how old?
"Ace King suited"
Sigh. Stop it. Please, before I give you half of everything I own. First, you try to lure me in by being a cute girl. That would've been enough. But no, you have to take it a step further by adding booze to the package. You could've stopped there, but did you? Oh no, you had to use poker against me. Stop being my Kryptonite. For the love of all that is holy, stop.
"Are you drunk?"
Yup, that stopped her.
With the end of that discourse, I turned my attention back to the bloggers where, wouldn't you know it, I was the BB. And another one gone and another one gone...
Everyone I played with last night should feel honored, nay, priveleged, nay, honored and priveleged that I ditched an evening with a fine young lady, just for the opportunity to play with you gambling degenerates. "Ditched" is such a harsh word, though. "Fucked up" is more like it. And I blame it all one you.
Not that many of the bloggers that I played with even knew I was there. Incognito, remember? I wanted everyone to believe I was a nitwitted fishy, just like 90% of all other Party players. So, I was there, can you figure out which seat I was in?