This is what my life has become.

I haven't been playing poker, though that shouldn't be a surprise. No, I get home from work, maybe lift some weights, then fire up my Full Tilt supplied* laptop, and...railbird all you motherfuckers in the BBT events. That's more pathetic than one time back in 'Nam. I was really lonely, and...well, forget I even mentioned that. Suffice it to say that I had to scrub my brain with steel wool to try to get the dirty out, and it still didn't work.

It's even worse when I tried to rail Saturdays with Pauly on Pokerstars, and I wasn't even allowed to interject with my witty brand of humor because I lacked the necessary $11 buy-in required to chat. I couldn't even beg for $3.73 if I wanted! Christ.

I don't honestly know what I did with my nights, after work, before the days of playing poker. There's only so much naked lady surfing that one can do before you're desensitized even to scheisse porn, even if DP vehemently says the opposite. There's also only so much cleaning I can do before I go absolulety stir-crazy and keep scrubbing that one spot on the carpet that's not even there. True, I could make beer, and all the sanitizing and watching water boil that goes into can fill a whole night, but then there's the question of "What the hell am I supposed to do tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow?"

Instead of talking about poker, I'm just going to ramble and see where it goes.

By June, I should be living with a girl. No, not my mom. Again. Nope, in with the girlfriend. I'm not all that worried about, either. After all, she's the one that has to go in the bathroom after I finished pruning my Sherwood Forest over the sink, and after I poop in the shower and mush it down the drain with my heel. I pity the foo'.

This whole moving in together isn't about "taking the next step" or any other bullshit like that. Neither of us hold any crazy notions that we're about to jump into marriage, or heaven forbid, fall in love. No, no, no. But, it's convenient right now, we don't hate each other too much, and it will end up saving us money. And by "us", I mean "me". I will be so flush with cash that I might just hire some hos to rub baby oil on each other while riding around in my hooptie. There's even a possibility of making it rain, but I have to remember to get out of the way quickly--quarters hurt, yo. I haven't decided yet, but it works for all those rap stars out there.

With all this extra cash, I have decided to buy a few things that I've wanted for quite awhile. I just bought a TivoHD off of Woot! yesterday, and I'm praying that the thing works, and isn't just a hunk of shit that resembles a TivoHD. Funny thing about TivoHD, and HDTV in general, is that I spend way too much time only watching HD channels regardless of what's on. It's sick. Most of the time that includes the back-to-back-to back episodes of Flip That House, and then I suddenly remember that I hate reality television and real people as a rule, and flip the channel to something better, like My House is Worth Whaaaaaaat?, because I'm a classy bitch like that.

Also, buying a portable dishwasher might be in order, because I'm sick of doing dishes by hand, and there's no way in hell Molly is going to touch 'em. Anyone have a spare Mexican they want to sell me?

What else...what else.

I realized the other day why it seems that people in this world are so damn fucked in the head. It's not because things are getting progressively worse, or that people are changing one way or the other. People have always been messed up, incompetent retards, but now that here are sites like Fark, that bring all the ass-hattery to one nice space,  I don't have to search very far to make myself feel good about...myself. In the winter, that can be tough.

Molly and I are also looking to go to Vegas at the end of June. If you look back up the page to see when I'd be moving in with her, and when we want to go to Vegas, you'd think we had the order of things reversed--that we'd go to Vegas, hastily and drunkenly get married at the Chapel O' Love, then live together. In fact, she's had no fewer than four people tell her that we better not get married in Vegas. Are you kidding me?

Listen, no offense to those of you reading that are retards and thought getting married in Vegas was a neat idea, but there isn't above a 0% chance that we'd even shit on the idea of thinking about getting married in Vegas. We have far too many chromosomes for that, you fucking Mongoloids. Retards.

Anyhow, if y'all should come out the Vegas the same weekend we do. Yes, you. You, too. But not you. You smell like the inside of my colon. We already have it planned out that she's going to spend the days by the pool with one of her friends, while I generally try to avoid anything and everything they're doing. I think it's going to work out swell.

 

*What, you didn't get yours? I didn't use points or winnings for my new laptop. I think they gave it to me because I am just that fucking awesome. Unequivocally rad. Possibly even a little drunk.